Post two: Fear

(1) How does fear affect your career/identity as an artist?
(2) How do you deal with that fear?

When I first entered the department as a theatre major, one of my first fears was "Am I really an actor?".
I transfered in after a long period of having very little exposure to the arts for a span of about three years. My work schedule required me to work on most nights and weekends, so I didn't have a lot of opportunity to see very much theatre. Before this three year span, I had spent about two years as a music- vocal performance student. I was still studying a performance art, but not quite the theatrical acting that I had started to learn in high school.
One of my major reasons for transferring was that I wanted to improve myself as an actor and all around performing artist. I didn't want to just be thought of as "that guy with the good voice". I knew that I had good technical singing training, but I wanted to be able to connect it with a performance that could affect an audience.  My fears stemmed from the fact that I felt I was so disconnected from the art. Luckily, many of those fears have been alleviated since I've joined the department.
 I think that my fears now have to do with my future. Now that I have more skills in the field that I am passionate about, how do I implement them? How do I define success for myself? What will happen if I fall short of my definition?

Other fears I have concerns my future farther down the road. While I am excited to start a career in theatre, I know that there's a low likely-hood that I will make a livable wage as just an actor. I hope that because I've developed an array of skills because of my liberal arts education and my past life experiences I will be able to expand my working potential.
That being said, one day I'd like to be part of a family of my own. I'm not saying that I'm currently climbing every mountain and searching high and low in search of someone at this juncture in my life, but I do want to one day find a woman to share my life with. If and when I find that person, I want to be able to support her, push her to achieve her goals, and live happily and I'd like for her to do the same for me. I'd like to think of a day that I could be a father and start a family of my own. I love my parents and think they they molded me into to person I am today. I want to make my mark on the world not just with my art but also by producing children that will want to make a difference in the world and be able to realize and pursue their dreams because I (and when I say "I" I mean "we") was able to give a quality of life and certain opportunities that my parents worked hard to provide for me. My fear is that if I start to neglect any of these goals for myself, that I may not be able to achieve everything I want to.
There' a song from the musical [title of show] called "Die Vampires, Die!"
The song gives a name to all of our doubts, fears, and all of the naysayers in our lives: Vampire.
Give it a listen, it's a comedic song that shows this particular character's approach to dealing with her fears.

I'll include a link to the song here.

I think that my fears can sometimes feed each other. My compounding fears about my future in this art make me question my own abilities. There are days where I've fallen short in my work, am struggling with some scene work, and I allow my Vampires in. I start to think that I should look for a back up plan, or try to find an entry-level job in Baton Rouge and try to be content. But I know that if I don't take this chance now, I never will. I have to tae this leap and see where I stand. I'll wave away the Vampires and step forward into this new chapter in my life!