For this week, reflect on your own perception of your self
worth, your abilities. How does your take on your abilities line up with
reality? How do you know that? What do you find yourself saying to yourself
that reinforces your self-image? How might you improve the messages you give to
yourself?
This prompt is
something that I’ve personally been struggling and discovering the answer to
for the last few years of my life. I honestly don’t have all of the answers to
this question, but I’ll try to talk about everything I know so far.
I have discovered in the last few years (the past year in
particular) that I am more of an intellectual than I first thought. My constant
work in theatre in the last year has opened my eyes to the artist that I am,
and also how much more there is to discover that is in me. I have trained as a
singer for almost ten years now, and now that I’ve returned to school and
gotten to immerse myself into courses and experiences that have made me a more
complete performer, I feel so much more capable.
That being said, I still am struggling to get perspective on
how I compare to others in my craft. Am I on the right track? Do I have a lot
of catching up to do? I feel like I’m headed in the right direction, but
sometimes I doubt myself. I suppose that that is a normal healthy thought
process to have, and that there are always times when we doubt ourselves, but I
do wish I had a way to get a good perspective. I am very excited about what the
next year holds, because I have a lot of plans to help my journey into that
perspective. I will be heading to New
York City during spring break and plan to get as much exposure to theatre as
possible (if anyone has any suggestions, let me know), and this summer I plan
on working out of state on my craft.
Now that I’m on the subject of my summer plans, I’ll talk
about another aspect of my abilities. In the past 9 months, I’ve discovered
that I have a passion for Sound Design. EJ Cho has been the major influence in
my dive into this craft, and we all know that she is a fantastic teacher and
mentor. She also pushes you to be your absolute best, and I think that I work
best when someone is pushing me and I have someone to impress. In the next two
days, I’ll have to decide if I want to head to the East Coast to pursue a Sound
Design apprenticeship with a theatre company in Ithica, NY, or if I want to
head to the West Coast to attend a Summer Acting Conservatory in Los Angeles.
It’s wonderful to have these options, but it’s daunting trying to make a
decision that will likely heavily influence the decisions I make concerning the
work I do during my final semester of college and my post- graduation plans.
I want to find my voice as designer and I think that I am so
excited about sound because it’s something that’s new to me and I think I have
a skill for it. EJ has been very encouraging, and having that perspective has
made me confident in the path that I’m taking in that discipline.
I think I am a talented actor who has gotten a lot of
character roles, and have honed that part of my craft well. I am definitely interested
in working on a role that offers a more (sorry Dr. Fletcher) “realistic”
character. I really haven’t played many roles in that realm, and most of my
work has been playing comedic roles or caricatures of people. I’d love to get
some experience playing a character that has more (sorry again) “realistic”
circumstances and views. That will challenge me as an actor and likely put me
out of my comfort zone. Whatever I do, I want to continue working on all of my
skills and be able to use them as a professional once I graduate.
I keep telling myself that I have to work as hard as I can
while I have to opportunity to. I don’t know what the future holds, but while I’m
here at LSU with the resources I have, I’m going to make the most of it. I
think that this semester I have probably overcommitted and worked on too many
projects, especially while taking 19 hours, but hopefully I’ll come out the
other side in one piece.
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